Reasonable Doubt: Method Acting
by M. Tsukai
Summary: It's time for that discussion between a confused sinner and some angry heroes.


Method Acting

Ola. Tis M. Tsukai saying "hi". This is the second in an arc of Teen Titans/Sancta Sophia crossover fics titled, "Reasonable Doubt". Don't worry if you don't know who Sancta Sophia is. She's an original character from an original series I'm finishing. You might want to read the first story, "Sancta Terra" to catch up with my rendering of details. I know, I know, I don't own Teen Titans, but I certainly retain the services of my Other, Sancta Sophia.

Four pairs of eyes staring at me as I walk from the door to the dining room table. One eye, I know, is scanning my body for remnants of Slade's control. There is none left.

The man isn't dead, there's just nothing left he could ever give me.

A round table, six chairs, and five silent people gather around it.

Make that six.

Sophia is here.

"What the hell is she doing here?" snarls Raven, a dark glare seething through her.

The chandelier behind her shatters mid-air.

"Look, freak o' nature, I was called. So I came."

Robin eyes her carefully, then nods, silently. He knows instantly. Beast Boy tears his gaze from

me to the newcomer, peers into her face, then shapeshifts into a monkey and crawls to her.

She smiles, picks him up like a baby, and cuddles him. Cyborg finishes his scanning of my person, and completely ignores the Other.

"Terra, I've got to be honest. I don't know how to synthesize this."

"You betrayed us. All of us!!! Do you realize the advantage you gave Slade? And you think you can just show up and make amends?" Raven's contribution is tinged, as usual, with hate and another unidentified emotion. I don't waste the time analyzing it, or her. I tried with her, I really did.

"Can I just ask you-why?" Starfire's eyes fill with tears, but she isn't accusatory.

She isn't blaming. And that's why I answered.

"You guys...you don't know how bad it got. Before I met you, I had very little control.

I still don't. Not anymore. There were mudslides, accidents, volcanoes. I couldn't stop any of them and I couldn' t face the people whose lives I've destroyed. Other people...when I tried to tell them that I was messed up, they wouldn't listen. They couldn't help me, though I've been trained by others. At least now, everytime I hit a city, I don't cause an earthquake. Slade promised that

everything would make sense."

He was wrong, too.

"What on Earth made you think that using us for your control was a good idea?" Robin's face is flushed, with the sort of righteous indignation that failed to account for his own fall. Part of me wanted to lash out at Raven, at Robin. They made this far more painful than the other three ever could.

"No one had cared enough to fix the problem. And it was fixed. He made me believe that you didn't even understand enough to care. To fix it. To help me."

"I'm tired, " announces Cyborg, his cybernetic eye fixed on his sensors. "Let's deal with this in the morning."

They retire to their rooms, and I am left alone with Sophia.

"They are hurting."

"Because of me."

"Because they didn't understand what was going on with you."

"What about Raven? And Robin? They sounded more pissed off than hurt."

"They both have to come to terms with their mistakes."

"Why are you here, again?"

" Is there an echo in here? How many times do I have to explain this? Listen. You're looking for an intelligent way to present this information, some good advice. I give it, you decide whether or not to use it. It's really that simple."

"Just because you helped me..."

"Okay. I'll be back when you find yourself a strong dose of reality."

The next morning, rain cascades from the sky, and I step out into it.

I've always loved playing in the mud.

Garfield cooks.

I love his cooking, and tofu tastes especially delicious as I've not eaten in...nearly a year. I'm still a mess, so it's kind of reminiscent of me when I first arrived at the Tower.

With one notable exception.

No one is smiling as I down the food, no one is joking while I turn the bathroom into a mudslide, no one has offered me a towel for my hair or a diversion for my mind. The only one close to kind is Cyborg, and I think he's restraining his own thoughts.

I know.

It stings.

"What happened, Terra? With your petrification?"

"It was...a ploy."

"WHAT???" Robin throws a warning glare in Raven's direction, as things are staring to float around her. Like the Tower itself.

"I couldn't...I screwed up." The words, like my face, my hands, my whole person felt very small.

I think that was something no one expected me to say. They wanted the defiance, maybe not Starfire, but the rest were looking for excuses. Garfield never looked in my direction. I tried not to notice.

"I'm sorry, you guys. I can't listen to this anymore." Robin pushes his chair from the table, rises, and leaves for parts unknown.

There was silence for what seemed like an hour.

"I didn't want to take responsibility," I whisper. "I thought I had this title of helping people, but..I wasn't strong enough. I didn't want to have to wait" I look down at my hands.

"You failed us, Terra." Raven mutters her incantation under breath. It's harder than ever to tell what she's thinking. But she pauses, as if waiting for something.

"I'm told, however, that I should listen. Honestly. And in doing so I must apologize for not really listening, for functioning in anger, which is profitable for nothing in this instance."

"When it finally hit me...not so much that you cared, but I hurt , it broke the hold, everything I've been carrying for the past couple of years. Other people are in a worse position because of me. I let him...in. He knew what my thoughts were. I believed and operated in that sense. It wasn't forced, not until the end. I want to atone, for others, for...myself. And I'm not sure how."

Forgiveness does not come cheap. Ever. It costs the requestor trust; it cost those whose forgiveness is requested a piece of their hearts.

"I do not understand, Friend Terra. Has the morwak of your species captured your heart until it spews lies? You cannot have been so thoughtless. Tell me you could not have been so thoughtless."

"I'm so sorry, Starfire..."

She shakes her head, tears spilling over her cheeks again.

"I must go to Robin. I must know what he feels."

Two down.

Against me.

Am I cursed or something?

"Of course not. You're just stupid is all" Sophia took her seat, and swung her feet around. None of the other Titans acknowledged her existence.

"Are you..um...invisible or something?"

"Or something. Let's finish this, shall we? Hope you have a craving for humble pie."

"Will they...will I have a place?"

"I read mental imprints, I don't know the future. I'm sorry, Terra; it's not looking good."

I turn to the remaining Titans and notice that Cyborg is furiously scribbling something on his napkin, that Raven locks eyes with me and dares me to look away, that Garfield has morphed in a cat and sits straight in his chair. It took everything within me to keep from pulling him into a passionate 'I'll-never-disappoint-you-again' kiss.

"I'll make this short. My parents, what I remember of them, used to tell me about Yom Kippor, how you asked God to forgive you by abstaining from eating and drinking. How you dried up all the sources of evil in your life. And if you could just make it to the next day, your sins would be cleansed. I lied, I used you all, I tormented your town and destroyed your trust. I can't win those things back again. But if I'm ever able to make atonement, I need to forge a new bond with each of you, letting you see the totality and imperfections that is me. You had to see the real me sometime, the one I created myself. I just hope it's not to late to use a better set of tools to create a better one."

I left after that. I knew it'd be best, and I could see Garfield's face-his real one, this time-and the look reminded me of how my dog used to look at my father when he got drunk and kicked him. Love mixed with a sense of sadness. Finality.

Once he'd held me in his arms, I wasn't sure if I could live without him.

"What do you think?"

Raven was the last one to leave the dining room table and join the gang on the couch.

"Selfish... look, we don't harbor criminals. End of discussion."

"Isn't Red-X a criminal...Robin?"

"Friend Terra is not worthy of our trust. She cannot be one of us."

"I won't say anything until you guys have talked it out."

"I think she won't be the same if we let her on. It's the principle of the thing. Would you rather have her trying to figure herself out on the outside?"

"I have to agree with Cyborg, here. You know how I felt about it, personally, this morning. But she was completely honest. She didn't shade herself.

"Why should she? There's nowhere to hide behind. Slade's a sociopath, but Terra assented. She all but admitted it herself."

"Actually, Boy Wonder, if you had stayed to hear her whole story, you'd know she came out and admitted it. Tell me the truth, man, are you upset that you, of all of us, was conned just like we were? Or is it maybe because you..."

"Please! Do not talk to Friend Robin this way. It is the fault of no one that she betrayed us. But she did. We can neither forget nor forgive that."

"Those are two different words, Starfire. We can't forget it. She didn't ask us to."

The argument became less and less rational before Beast Boy stood up in the midst of it, quietly begged for a break, and dragged Robin and Starfire into his room.

They did not return for several hours.

"They're right, you know." Cyborg took a moment to devour a Cuban he'd made while waiting. "She's trouble. She exposed us to danger. For something she could have worked on. Heck, we're all working on maintaining control."

"You know why I meditate, right?" Raven pulled her cloak from her head, exposing short

purple hair and a red diamond poised in the middle of her forehead. "It's for

that coveted control. I still don't have it. And I'm not sure it'll ever happen. I don't condone her actions or even think I really feel particularly charitable towards her. But," she offered a wry grimace. "I know the cold. I know what it feels like. And I'm not sure if I could have resisted an alternative like that, even now." She stood up, walked into the kitchen, and started to boil some water.

He asks the question, they answer in kind. The result is unanimous.

The night passed, finding me curled up in the cavern. I have never minded the cold and relished a respite from the thought. Sophia's an oddball, she never bothers me in dreams, and I was glad to find she wasn't capable of the trick. So though sleep was refreshing, it was hardly peaceful.

The sun shines directly into this cavern, and my eyes' first focus was something fuzzy and green.

He'd left the others in the night and stayed with me.

As a lion. To protect me.

"Garfield. Please. I don't deserve you."

The lion roared, long and loud and in a language I probably didn't want to translate.

"And I know I have done some things, some terrible things. We all have. But did we deserve this, Terra? Was your peace of mind worth ours?" He was human again, searching my face for signs of the old me

"No" It came out terribly, brokenly.

He didn't touch me. He relayed the message in short clipped sentences. When he had finished, I took a moment to synthesize the information, letting it go from my head to my hands to my heart.

Home. Again.


End file.
